A Life Sentence

When you dwell on injustice or on a situation that has wronged you, you only give it power. It steals your productivity, your creativity… actually, more accurately, you GIVE away your productivity and creativity and energy because no one can take something from you that is not physical. You are the manager of your life. Your life belongs to the creator, but He has given you the “signature authority”. No, we cannot say that we will still have it tomorrow b/c you never know when there might be a natural disaster, car wreck or freak illness that could take our lives, but today, right now, you get to make a choice. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. It seems like our emotions and feelings have control. That is a LIE; a boldface lie of the enemy. Our enemy wants us to think that we don’t have control, but the FACT is, the TRUTH is, we have been given the gift of freewill from our creator. 
 

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2) 
 

The author and perfecter of our lives gave us the ability to make a choice, to make millions of choices. The reality is that if we are imprisoned by our feelings and emotions, then we have chosen to be there. To escape it is not always as easy as making the decision not to believe the lies, oh how I wish it were. I would be able to free so many of the enemy’s prisoners. We must band together and work to become free of the lies, because it’s Worth it! Because WE are Worth it!
 

“For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” (Matt 18:20)
 

If Jesus decided that YOU are worth dying a horrific death by crucifixion, then you are worth fighting for. Your happiness, your joy your HOPE are worth the time and effort it takes to break free. As I was talking to God this very morning, my brain has been swirling. I feel very fortunate that I get to hear words from God, but today He, very poignantly pointed me back to the Bible. He said, “Your mind is too full of lies for me to speak to you. You need to seek the truth in My word”. And that was it. So… I started in Matthew b/c I have to admit I’ve been bouncing all around the Bible in my readings lately so I thought I should probably refocus and start at the beginning of the New Testament. 
 

When I came to the end of chapter 6, I stopped and began writing. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt 6:34) I am so busy worrying about the future that I am not living right now. So what can I do today? What does God call me to do today? I know it’s not entirely possible, but if I didn’t have to plan for the future at all, what would I do with myself today? 
 

I was recently talking to friend of mine, Vickie, who has been struggling. She has struggled with inner turmoil, the kind that makes you feel inadequate and that you’ll never amount to anything worthwhile. She has dealt with garbage within her Church family, the one place that she is supposed to feel safe and loved. Luckily for her (and us) our God is greater than all of our struggles and she recently got a beautiful revelation: “You are sentenced to live with the person you become, however, you have the ability to choose who that person is.” And she CHOSE to be Amazing! Each day is a new day, a new choice, a new opportunity to learn from our past and to be who we want to be in the Present! I too am choosing to BE today and not worry about tomorrow.
 

Reflection Question: What are you worrying about? Pray to Jesus to lift your burden. How can you be the person you want to be TODAY? 
 

The Devil Went Down...

No matter how depressed I get or riled with anxiety, the enemy has lost the war. He might win a battle here or there; I'm sure you too have lived to tell about being temporarily defeated on some occasion or another, but the war has been won. We don't know when or how Jesus will return to triumphantly lay claim to His followers, but we know He will. 

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." (John 14:1-4 NIV) 

I have had a rough couple of weeks struggling with doubt and anxiety. The fear of the unknown future always turns me inside out and this has been a tough one. My best friend is deployed. No matter any struggles we have had, my husband has always, since we've been together, been right there with me through my personal internal battles. Between the lost connections, limited time and time difference, I have had to rely on outside sources to help me through this bout. 

As my pastor quoted a wise women he once knew, "He is a good devil." For certain, the enemy is good at his job. He knows just where to lie in waiting to ambush us. Right where to hit to be affective. I personally seem to be addicted to affirmation. On the surface it doesn't seem so bad; it makes me driven and "good" at what I aspire to. But leave myself open to the "father of lies" and my "strength" can also be my biggest downfall. Pride. 

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2 NIV)

I am addicted to affirmation. I seek it out and without it I become something I do not know. Without being able to pour myself into the Army full time, I am having a hard time placing my identity. 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

The great thing about investing in other people's spiritual lives is that when you're down, they can always recite your words right back to you. And well, if "I" said them, they must be true.  ;)

I was venting to my mom this week about what I'm struggling with and the most wonderful thing happened. My words of Gods affirmation that have breathed new life into her, came full circle and gave me hope for the future. My mom is no theologian, but in the end, truth is truth. The Bible does not lie and if we turn there, we will always find what we need. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

So too bad for you enemy. I might have lost a battle and believed your lies about my unworthiness for a moment, but not for long. 

"The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1 NIV)

Reflection Question: What lies are you believing? Ask God to open the eyes of your heart to His truth. 

As Heavy as The Cross

There are times in my life when I am oh so pleasantly surprised at what God does, in spite of me. I write with passion because the things I write about are the things I live in my life. I’m never writing for someone else, so I am amazed when what I say touches someone. Sure I love when my mom and dad tell me great things about my work… but well, whether or not it’s true, I feel like they have to! But the story I’m about to relay brought tears of gratitude and joy to my eyes because I knew that the Holy Spirit was at work, and someway chose to use insignificant me. After reading “I Have”, one of my most respected retired NCOs relayed this, in his words, “terrible, yet most honorable event”.  

While on call to perform Casualty Notification duties, I was tasked with notifying an eight year old little girl that her Daddy would not be coming home. While I was respectfully honored to perform this duty, I was saddened a great deal. That is a part of me that no one has ever seen.

The little girl was the only person listed on the Soldiers paperwork for notification, insurance and anything else- as regulation has it, I was to notify her and only her. She was not at her home when we arrived; however, her mother was. The mother had asked if we could tell her and allow her to tell her daughter, but as regulation stated, I could not do that. The wait seemed to be the longest I ever had in my 28 year military career, but she finally arrived. When she exited the vehicle my heart jumped into my throat, she had beautiful short blond hair, the biggest, brightest blue eyes I had ever seen, and a big cheerful smile that could capture the heart of the most hardened individual. She was filled with laughter and happiness. As a father and a grandfather, I felt as if I could not be the one, who in just a few short minutes, using a standard script, would destroy her world of innocence and happiness. As history has shown many times over, this little girl was about to see me as the monster who said her Daddy was dead.

Her mom had asked for a minute with her before she was told and we respected her request. When they came out and approached us, I stood straight with courage and confidence and asked the lord to please guide my words and hold me steady. He did. I was able to perform my duty with honor, integrity and respect for her dignity. After I told her, she looked up at her mom who was beginning to cry, and it was at that moment she began to realize what I had just told her. Her beautiful smile was slowly replaced with a sad frown, the happiness in her face and eyes was replaced with tears and contorted cheeks. I asked if she understood; she nodded her head yes, and my duty was done. I executed an about face and walked away without ever looking back. I could hear the crying and the words “not my Daddy” as the Chaplain and the Mother comforted her.

Earlier, as I and the Chaplain had stood in the yard awaiting the arrival of the little girl, I went over in my mind what I was to say and how I was to say it, knowing that she would not understand what was being said, nor why. The Chaplain provided comfort and encouragement with words of scripture and strength.

He reminded me of how Jesus, bore the burden of the cross for us because he knew that it was his duty and responsibility. He told me the story from beginning to end, a story I have heard a million times before- but I felt as if this time was the first time I had actually really listened. If a man who was about to be crucified could go with cheer and words of encouragement, I felt that my job was easy in comparison. As I was told, Jesus had a duty to perform just as I had.

Ma’am, you know that I do not easily display my religious beliefs, and as anyone who has ever heard me go off on a knuckle head would believe that I had none; however, it was my turn to bear the burden, and failure was not an option. Even today, sleep is difficult to come by as my mind often strays back to that fateful day and the eight year little girl whose world was destroyed in a matter of minutes with a few short words.

This haunting event took place about the same time our unit began its rotation back to the states. There were many delays in the departure of aircraft. Each time we received word of ETA of aircraft with a manifest, we were to notify the appropriate families of the flight and time of arrival. Due to sand storms and/or other events within the theater of operations, many flights were delayed from leaving multiple times. We would then have to call all the families again and inform them of this change in flight.

On one such occasion, a particular flight had been delayed numerous times. After about the fourth time notifying the families that the flight had been delayed a call came in from a spouse. She was understandably upset and verbally abusive in her anger. As the senior ranking Soldier in the building she was directed to me, I took her call and listened patiently as she yelled at me with the insinuation that this was our fault. Then she said “how in the hell am I supposed to, tell our eight year old little girl that her Daddy is not coming home?”

At that point, my anger swelled to an unbelievable level and all my years as a hard-ass NCO wanted to take over, cuss her out and hang up; however, the professional NCO took control and I calmly said “Ma’am, two days ago I did have tell an eight year old little girl that her Daddy would not be coming home, and was NOT because his plane had been delayed”. The silence that followed was but about 15 to 20 seconds but it seemed like an eternity. The lady then spoke and said “oh, I am so sorry, thank you for the information” and she hung up. I calmly replaced the receiver, turned to see a half dozen set of eyes on me; no one said a word as they watched me walk down to my office. Once inside, I closed the door, sat down and hung my head in my hands and pondered the event that had just unfolded. I thought of the outcome, and the possible outcome.  It was then that I realized that the burden I had to bear two days prior was now complete. I looked up and thanked the lord for steadying my shoulder and providing me the strength to calmly address the situation.

I now have a two year old granddaughter… she has beautiful blond hair, bright blue eyes, and is full of laughter and smiles. This experience has taught me to love and cherish what I have every day.

Thank you for helping me tell someone about this- maybe tonight, sleep will come just a bit easier.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to tell this story- finally. The more time I have been able to spend with my granddaughter, the more this nightmare has played over and over in my head; however, your most recent tale of Casualty Assistance seemed to be the hand of fate opening the door for me to talk about it. You are the first person to hear an account of this event and I just know that no matter how heavy my burden seemed, it was not as heavy as a cross.

Reflection Question: Is anything you’re dealing with as heavy as a cross? If not, let go bring it to His feet and thank God for bearing the heaviest burden.

Shared with Permission from SFC (Ret) Donnie R. Burnett

I Have

On one hot summer day, I packed up and loaded myself, my rifle and my gear onto a plane for a dusty hot place half a world away. I had given birth just 5 short months before to my second angel baby and my emotions were out of balance to say the least!  I said goodbye to my most prized assets, my family- my husband and our two children, in the name of selfless service to our great nation.  I felt like I had my heart ripped out and torn into little bitty pieces in the slowest most painful way, but I survived.    
 

I have had this horrific responsibility to tell a handful of wounded Soldiers that one of their best loved comrades was killed in combat. I listened to the cries and shouts of anger from some of the strongest young warriors I have ever met. “How could this be?” “No, not him, anyone but him.” I looked into their eyes and saw a thousand yard stare that I thought was expired with the Vietnam War.Their tear stained faces marred with shock and disbelief still flash into my mind when I hear of another lost.

I have embraced a young mother of a beautiful 18 month old little girl while we wept over her husband’s flag covered coffin.  I didn’t know the Soldier personally, but after dedicating my life for 3 months to the care of his family, I feel like I am part of it now.  I wear his name on my wrist most days as a reminder to never forget the sacrifices that have been made so I can live the life of freedom I so dearly cherish.The ultimate sacrifice is not only given by the one whose life was cut ever too short, but also by the ones whom he loved and will continue to bare the burden of the service he volunteered.

Along-side and intertwined with the mother of a fallen hero, I have told my story of the depths of war to other soon-to-be Casualty Assistants. As I walked up to this Mom we hugged unabashedly and with sincere love in front of four score of battle hardened Army Leaders because I had become part of her family. I helped ensure her baby-boy would get every honor he deserved and went above and beyond what “the book” said I needed to do. I don’t write this because I want glory or recognition; I just did what I would want someone to do for me if the roles were reversed. That day I watched the faces of the Army Leaders twist and twinge at the thought of this hollow duty they could be called to perform while I recounted the days and months surrounding our trip to Arlington Cemetery.  

Now yesterday my husband stands tall in his “super-suit” and boards a plane to a dangerous place. I held my 5 year old son who couldn’t stop crying as he internalized Daddy’s departure and recalled how it felt when just a couple short years ago he lived through Mommy’s deployment.  How do I answer the already posed question, “but what if Daddy dies?” I know what I tell myself to feel better, but what do I tell a 5 year old? Truth be told, I lied. I told him Daddy won’t die—and I sincerely hope I am correct, but I cannot know the future. 
 

One of my best friends recently sent me a moving story of a child who was complaining to her mother about “everything” that was going wrong in her life. She was failing a class, her best friend was moving away and her boyfriend broke up with her.  Her mother was baking a cake at the time and asked the child if she would like a snack to make her feel better. The child was ecstatic because she loved her mom’s cake!  Mom said, “Okay, darling, here is some cooking oil for a snack.” “Yuck!” said the child. “Well, fine how about some raw eggs or flour?” “No mom, who would eat that?” “I guess no one would purposefully eat them by themselves dear, but when you put these “yucky” things together the right way they make a delicious cake.” 
 

God works in much the same way. We may not like the taste of what we are put in the middle of, but when we add all of these ingredients together it comes out perfectly and delightful every time. 
 

This shall be my biggest challenge yet. I did not enjoy living through any of the circumstances mentioned above. No one would. But inevitably I know that only He can get me through, and I’ve read the last chapter of the book—it’s good! When I’m lonesome, He sends me a friend with a hug and I shall continue to lean not on my own understanding and trusting that with Him, this will be a Piece of Cake!  
 

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Prov 3:5-6)
 

 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Phil 4:13)
 

 Reflection Question: Are you too busy balking at the individual ingredients to enjoy the piece of cake?

I Mind

Listening to the fireworks the week before the 4^th of July has always been fun for me. Independence Day means fests, BBQs and time off from work! It’s summer and in my mind 4^th of July should be spent on a lake with something cold in your hand to drink.  The past couple years, especially since serving in Iraq, the 4^th of July has held a little more meaning for me. Our independence is not something to just celebrate with parties and friends, but to reflect on the cost to give and uphold that freedom.

This year especially, it reminds me of those enormous sacrifices.  Just after fireworks went on sale, I was talking to a church friend of mine at a birthday party. He didn’t look himself; so being me I couldn’t help but ask what was up with him. At the time he didn’t want to talk, but later during the party he opened up. Rick, who suffers from PTSD, was having a tougher time that usual sleeping due to the fireworks – and since the war tours he’s lucky to sleep much at night without the bangs. The exploding sounds bring on flashbacks, anxiety attacks and nightmares that would send you screaming out of the theater if it were a motion picture. Rick’s sacrifice is invisible to the naked eye, but to those of us who have the honor of calling him friend, we can see how real it is for him every single day. His mind is much like a minefield; he doesn’t always know what will set off a mine, but when it does, it’s hard to recover from.

This Independence Day I am celebrating one short. My dear husband is serving with the Army in support of OPERATION NEW DAWN (AKA OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM) and missing out on the freedoms he and I have sworn to defend. It is a daily struggle to be apart, to know he is missing out on his children’s lives and on enjoying time as a family. The physical struggles of being the only one to clean up the house, or make dinner or warm the bed are mere rain drops compared to the hurricane that wreaks havoc on my mind. My best friend isn’t here to comfort me when I’m having a lousy day or cheer with me when I something exciting happens. I cling to the few minutes we get to talk on the phone, and feel so empty again when we have to hang up. It’s like my glass is half empty—and I’m a glass is half full kind of girl!  

The battlefield of the mind is not new, as a matter of fact, it’s as old as time really. Even while God was literally walking with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Eve was attacked in this ever important battleground, her mind. The enemy fed her half-truths and played on her fragile emotions and now we must all realize the consequences of her losing that fight.

It’s likely that you too are being attacked on the battle ground of your mind in some way. Whether you realize it or not, you hear lies, and half-truths that you need to actively combat. It’s not passive. This is not the place to say, “It’s all in God’s hands.” YES, we know how the story ends, God is victorious and Jesus returns to earth… but right now, in this firefight, this battle, this WAR we are called to serious Action!

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph 6:10-17)

Be, Put on, Stand, Struggle, Take up, Extinguish—these are ACTION Verbs!

If we don’t take action, the way God has called us to, we will lose the battle. The war is already won, but the battle is ours to take. God has given us the tools, the strength and the might, but we have to use them. They don’t use themselves. Just as Joshua had to lead the Israelites to take the Promised Land by force, God has our own promised land ready for us. We must stand up, endure the struggle, and take what is promised us.

For me that means when thoughts of despair, self-loathing or other negative thoughts come into my mind, I know that is my sinful nature or the devil feeding my battlefield with ammunition. My best bet is to put on my Heavenly Armor and fight back! Wield my sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (aka: what my Bible says) and believe God, not the devil.

Reflection Question: Have you packed up your Sword of the Spirit? Or are you using your sword to defend your Promised Land from God?

Silence

I love the times in my life when I feel God, when I hear Him and when I can specifically convey His message to those around me! That is exciting, fulfilling and awe inspiring. Watching someone take something I’ve written and apply it to their life the way God intended is one of the coolest experiences!

I have heard from some of my greatest and some of my most surprising readers that they truly appreciate my transparency and real world perspective on the “God stuff”. That is what I want to be: notably honest about who I am, who God has made me and how I see eternity. Most of the time, I can see so much eternity in ever day life, I can’t help but write it down. Without even trying, I see God’s hand at work through the Holy Spirit opening my spiritual eyes. That part is so easy and natural for me. Just type or write out what the Eyes of My Heart are seeing. It has got to be really funny to see me hard at work when I don’t have my netbook handy, pecking  out an entry on my iPhone that I just can’t help but get down and saved.

In the silent times, the valleys, the trough of the roller-coaster, so to speak, it’s much harder to be excited, to trust God and to listen. Everything else makes so much noise and pulls my attention elsewhere. It’s in these times though, that I learn the most about my character. From my perspective I have a looooong way to go.

“[We] have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor 10:4b-5)

When I don’t have to work at it very much, I listen to God and bask in the enjoyment of His craft. I am less likely to sin: gossip, unholy thoughts, profane language, etc. while I’m enjoying the spiritual peaks. During those valleys, the Devil likes to coax his way in to my life, slowly as not to be noticed. Sneaky sneaky like, he puts thoughts of entitlement, dereliction of duty,  depression, anxiety, anger, rage, and disappointment into my head, like they are always there… like they Should be there. These can become strongholds for the Devil in my life, and this is where capturing EVERY thought and matching it up to The Living Word of truth is so very important.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7)

“[The Devil] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44)

My relationship with God doesn’t suffer when I don’t hear from Him, it suffers when He doesn’t hear from me! He sets eternity in each of our hearts; it is up to me to seek Him out. It’s not about a feeling I get or motivation or even inspiration. IT is about my relationship with the Holy Trinity, and the devotion I commit to that no matter the season of my life. Having this kind of relationship should not be the “top of your priority list”. It should be a part of Every aspect of that list; vitally integrated into every facet of our lives from the mundane to the once in a lifetime.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matt 6:33)

“I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.” (Isaiah 55:6)

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  (Luke 12:31)

Reflection Question: Is your relationship with God on your priority list? Is it the top? Or is He part of every priority?

Dog Gone It!

I'm a dog person. I just can't help asking to pet the sweet looking dog that is walking its owner down the street. I like boxers and mostly playful bigger dogs, but maybe you prefer little dogs or even cats. There is just something wonderful about coming home and having your dog be so visibly excited that YOU are home!

I'm dog sitting this week for the sweetest dog. He reminds me of my own "baby" Trevor, whom we had to put down, but I still think of often. The first day we had him I wasn't gone more than 45 minutes to pick up the boys from school, but sure enough when I opened the door he was there to greet us so excitedly; you'd think we left him for days!

The way this friend greets me makes me think of the prodigal son. He runs with complete abandon for the one(s) he's been missing. And unabashedly shows the joy he has for your return.

This too is how God thinks of us. When we turn to Him, no matter how long we've been gone, He is purposeful about greeting us with Joy!

"So he got up and went to his father.   But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." "For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate." (Luke 15:20; 24 )

God loves us without us meriting anything. He just chooses to love. All we have to do is decide to receive it. And then we will have more than we could ever want.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20)

Reflection question: Will you choose to receive His gift?